


Swiggity Swoopert: The Nightmare Rupert

by KaerMorhen



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Crack, swiggity swag the nightmare stag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-30
Updated: 2014-04-30
Packaged: 2018-01-21 07:54:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1543322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaerMorhen/pseuds/KaerMorhen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I got absolutely no sleep and then crack!fic happened... Enjoy?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Swiggity Swoopert: The Nightmare Rupert

Will stared at the creature that flickered into view before him. He had no words to describe its form…  
Was it a stag?  
Was it a man?  
No, it was a stagman.  
“It’s beautiful,” Will thought, “I shall name it Rupert.”

* * *

Rupert continued to appear whenever Will got particularly trippy, mostly on cases, and he eventually got used to these visits. Dare I say, he even began to enjoy them. Where once he had viewed Rupert as more stag than man, the ratio had shifted until Will could only see a man with stag-like tendencies. The attraction came as a surprise, especially considering that Rupert was actually just a figment of his imagination, but considering that his life was basically just one giant bad acid trip Will didn’t think that was particularly concerning. Slowly, he started demonstrating affection until Rupert finally responded to his advances with a head tilt and dead-eyed stare. Deciding that was as good as he’d get, Will moved forward to touch the stagman’s bare chest. His hands slipped lower… and lower… until they passed beyond the parts that are displayed on screen. His eyes widened, first with shock and then, disappointment, as his hands only touched smooth skin where genitals should be.  
“What?” he whispered, “where is the peen?”

* * *

Will had been upset by the sex-less wonder, but had come to realise that it was for the best. He could ill afford to start getting inappropriate boners while visualising crime scenes, Jack already thought he was weird. He thought perhaps this ordeal was something he should discuss with Hannibal, considering the man was his therapist, but he decided not to. After all, Hannibal got creepy sometimes and he’d probably expect details – for science of course.  


On second thought… maybe he would tell Hannibal.


End file.
